Freedom!! .... sorta

Whewt! I had a great OS appointment today. As soon as I saw Dr. Leibold I told him that I had a list of questions, and we went through them together. It was awesome.

First, I asked him about post-surgery x-rays. I haven't had any yet and was curious as to how things looked under all the skin and muscle of my face. He said it would no problem to take some. The x-ray lab had just closed, so I'll have to wait until I go in next, but that's fine with me!

I asked him about the bands- and great news! No more bands for me! Well, at least during the day. He said he'd like me to wear them at night, but, again, that's no problem for me. I'm SO relieved to not have to wear the bands anymore, the pressure they were putting on my braces were really irritating the teeth near the hooks.

I asked him about my tooth discoloration due to the peridex mouthwash. He expressed his hatred toward the stuff, but assured me that it can be removed when I go in for a dental cleaning. The only thing is, because of the braces, the teeth are harder to clean, so I might not be able to get all of the stain off until I'm free of braces. For now, I'm pretty embarrassed of my new grey smile. I told my mom I'd smile in a photo once my upper lip is no longer stiff and swollen and once my teeth have been cleaned.

On that note, I asked him when would be a good time to schedule orthodontist and dentist appointments. He said I could see my orthodontist at anytime now, but it's up to me & my ortho when a good time to see the dentist is. I think I will wait until my incision area is completely healed up and back to normal before I go in for a cleaning, since I don't want to irritate it, but I'm excited to see my orthodontist! I want to know when these things are a' comin' off!

I asked him about facial exercises or anything that I should be doing. He didn't seem concerned at all and said those things don't make much difference or something. I don't know, I might make funny faces anyway.

I also asked him about my diet- when I could move on to soft foods (hey, might as well double check) and when my jaw would be completely healed that I could be a nut-cracker. He said at the six-weeks mark I could chew soft foods. And in a year I'll be all set for everything else. So, in just a week and a half I can start getting frustrated trying to chew all the things I want to eat and fail horribly! Then resign back to my life of oatmeal and soup. I want to bite into a subway sandwich soo bad. And pizza! And fried mozzarella sticks! Ohhh I'm so hungry now.

Then I asked him when we should schedule the neck lipo. He said anytime is fine, he's leaving for a few weeks, so after Septmenber 24th we can get the ball moving. He then took another look at me and said "hmm.. I think you'd benefit a lot from a small chin implant."

oh noo! Not that darn chin thing again!

He said the chin implant would be small and combined with the neck lipo it would give me a lot of facial balance and that it would be something to think about. Uuuhh.. I don't know. I think my chin looks fine, but then again, I don't really know what it would look like "better". The lipo is something I really want, and the anesthesia is a flat fee of $260. So, if I'm getting it done and it would be wise to get them done together. Since I don't want to shell out more money for a second procedure anesth. fee & have to go back for another procedure.

Also. Lipo costs $600, the Chin Implant would cost $1070 (then the $260 anesth. fee). So $860 vs. $1930. The HUGE COST difference doesn't help the fact that I'm not sold on the more chin thing. Plus, we're completely broke. I'm not sure where I'd even get the money the lipo, let alone for both. So, I'm torn, because I really want to listen and agree and do everything the doctor thinks is best, because I respect his judgments. He's only been doing this kinda thing for like.. 35 years.. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's talking about. I have a lot to think about. And some money to start raising. *sigh*

Here's today's recovery pic:

Identity

I think the last part of my last post was a little mis-understood, so I edited it a little to rephrase it.

The only thing that kinda concerned me was that Diedre kept saying "You look so different", "I won't be able to recognize you". Diedre would never say anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, but it gave me a strange feeling. I know I look different, but I still think I look like me... I don't think I look SO different. It's just strange to hear it from someone so close to you. I just wonder, like, what do people really think? Is my face not me anymore?

I'm not completely happy with the way my face looks right now, but I still feel a lot of swelling, so I know that I need to be patient to see the final result. I feel like I'm in an awkward stage at the moment. I'm just eager to see the swelling to continue to go down, excited for the day when the braces come off, what my final look will be... and if the final look is still Kelley.

I think my mom and others were under the impression that what my friend said had upset me. I wasn't upset at all. Or she felt strange around me. What I meant to convey was my concern of identity, which is today's topic. [I might not make a lot of sense, but try and follow this weird little tangent of mine...]

My concern has nothing to do with looking better than I was before, or looking worse. It's about looking the same vs. looking like a different person. I was never that unhappy with the way I looked before surgery and braces, my teeth weren't that crooked (due to the position of my bottom teeth, I didn't have an under bite until braces. I had a "bite"), and I had a "flat" profile, but I wasn't ever that down about it. After braces, I wasn't that confident in the way I smiled, but I knew that would change. I knew I'd have to look worse, before looking better.

My concern is to hear "so different". I knew I'd look a little different. However, I think I still look like Kelley, a little puffy faced and with a different profile, but still Kelley. What worries me is that others won't recognize me the same way. After I completely heal up, I was thinking of cutting my hair, since I've had the same style since Jr.high school. However, in a way, my hair has become even more recognizable than my face. If both change... does Kelley completely disappear? (It's kinda funny I mention my hair, because it's the longest it's been in a while right now. It's drivin' me nuts.)

I think no matter what, I'll be just as satisfied with my post-surgery look as I was with my pre-surgery look. I'll know I'm me, no matter what. I just don't know what to think, or how to react, or how to feel when I hear those two words..

"so different."

... because I don't see it?

Here's today's recovery pic:

I hope I made a little sense in my ramble tonight.

What a day!

Today was by-far the most exhausting day I've had during recovery, but definitely the most fun. One of my best friends, Diedre, was visiting her grandma along with another friend from high school, Kathryn, and her cousin, here in San Antonio. I hadn't seen Diedre since last Christmas, so of course I'd take up the opportunity to see her while she was in the area!
In the afternoon, we went downtown to the Rivercenter Mall, at first I was kind of anxious because of the crowds from tourism, and also that little thing we call TAX FREE CRAZINESS WEEKEND. The mall was crowded, but it wasn't too bad, actually, for what I was expecting. I was still on the look out for flying elbows, and nervously guarding my face from any freak-attacks.
We walked, a lot, but it was worth it. After looking around the mall for a couple hours, we went down to the Market. Diedre loves Mi Tierra bakery, and must stock up on candied orange peel and pumpkin empanadas whenever she gets the chance. They had some pecan brittle that made my mouth water. Curse this healing jaw!! Also, back out in the market, street vendors selling food that filled the air. Ah, what I would give to be able to chomp into a bean and cheese tostada.

After walking around in the brutal Texas heat for several hours, I was beat. When I came home I went into some kind of sluggish coma. My jaw hurt, my feet hurt, my head hurt. I was so hungry, no food, too tired to go to the store. But it was worth it.

The only thing that kinda concerned me was that Diedre kept saying "You look so different" "I won't be able to recognize you". Diedre would never say anything the intentionally hurt my feelings, but it gave me a strange feeling. I know I look different, but I still think I look like me... I don't think I look SO different. It's just strange to hear it from someone so close to you. I just wonder, like, what do people really think? Is my face not me anymore?

I'm not completely happy with the way my face looks right now, but I still feel a lot of swelling, so I know that I need to be patient to see the final result. I feel like I'm in an awkward stage at the moment. I'm just eager to see the swelling to continue to go down, excited for the day when the braces come off, what my final look will be... and if the final look is still Kelley.

And the recovery pic for today:


My skin is still pretty shiny from all the swelling. How strange.

Going Somewhere.... Slowly

I saw my OS again today.

For about 2 seconds.

Grrr! I hate the effect that has on my nerves!! I have an appointment at 3:30, I get there at 3:20, I'm SEEN at 4:15. And Leibold doesn't even see me for more than 1 minute!! I had questions to ask him, but he disappeared pretty quickly after looking a me. (Run! Doctor! Run!)

I didn't have any expectations for my visit today, but when you wait so long only to feel neglected and ignored, it really shatters my nerves!
The resident, Dr. Balachandran, who looked at me seemed very nice. I've seen her around the department, but I wasn't aware she was familiar with me. Unfortunately, after the greeting, she had to feel across my tender incision area. Oooucch!

Sigh.. My next appointment is in two weeks, I just hope they go by quickly. I want to have a better appointment next time. One where I leave feeling good, inspired, and happy. Not neglected, confused, and anxious.

And here's today's recovery picture:

Two Weeks

It's hard to believe it's been two weeks since surgery. It feels like it's been a sloooow two weeks, but I'm just grateful that those two weeks are behind me. Things can only get better at this point, or so I hope!

I decided to go ahead and call my OS office and schedule an appointment for next week. It's something that will just give me peace of mind, and if they want to reschedule the next one to two weeks after, that's fine with me. I just need something like these appointments to look forward to after surgery, otherwise I feel so restless, watch the clock constantly, wishing I had a time machine to travel a couple weeks forward in time. I also feel in the dark about my recovery, I need to hear things are doing well, at least for these first couple of weeks.
I also asked them to forward a question to Leibold for me. I have an existing appointment to see my orthodontist on the 12th to be retied (re-ligged). I think this is too soon to have pressure on my teeth, and I wanted to know when I should reschedule the appointment, or if I should just cancel it and reschedule when I get the "OK". He hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I might just cancel it anyway, for now. Then just reschedule whenever.

That's all I have to report for now, here's today's recovery pic:

Blah...

I had my second post-op appointment today.
I was pretty disappointed when I left. I had built up all these hopes in my head like getting looser bands, no bands for a certain amount of time a day, no bands at all. However, nothing changed. It was just "things are looking good" and I need to keep the bands on as often as possible. And I might be able to move to soft foods in 6 weeks. what?! That's not cool.
And then it was just "see you in two weeks". Which... guh.. I don't know. I really don't want to wait two weeks, and I think I'd be more comfortable being seen weekly, at least for the first couple of weeks. To keep bands on 24/7 for 2 more weeks doesn't make me too happy.

...yeah....

I don't want to seem high maintenance, but I think I will call the appointment scheduler and ask if I can come in next week, too. It's something that would make me feel more comfortable. And right now I'm a little down in the dumps.

By the way, our new friend, Lotti, is having surgery tomorrow. Let's all wish her a safe surgery and a smooth recovery!!

Here's today's recovery pic. Not much change:

Waiting

sigh..

It feels like time is moving by slower than ever. I'm really looking forward to Tuesday, my next post-op visit, because I'm eager to know my progress. It's like each day is lived hour by hour, waiting for the next moment to take my antibiotic, then shuffle around the house for the next six hours waiting to take it next. Today's my last day for my pink lil' pal. I can't say I'll miss it. ;)

As I mentioned in earlier posts, my upper lip has been hurting; and today, out of curiosity, I decided to take a look. Well, the other areas of the incision look fine, I guess, but the spot where the knot is, the spot that hurts, had a little patch of white on it. It shocked me at first, because I thought I was doing a really good job at keeping my mouth clean, and it looked like plaque or puss or something. I really hope it isn't an infection, because I REALLY don't want the doctors to have to re-open my wound, like Melissa had to deal with. So, I tried cleaning that area specifically, with q-tips dipped in salt water, swishing with saltwater, later I tried swishing that area only with the Prescription mouthwash and it's STILL THERE! All it lead to was making the already sore area hurt more. UGH I wish that darn spot would heal already, and I'd feel so much better.

Anyway...

Today, I decided to go and walk around somewhere, and my sister wanted to go to a bookstore, so I was just like "let's go". So, we get there, and almost 2 minutes of being inside, hell breaks loose. A mentally challenged man, I believe, ran into another guy. This guy PUNCHES the mentally challenged guy in the face. I'm right behind the guy who punched him, and this dude starts screaming and yelling and starts walking backward. I haul my ass out of there. I do not need to be punched in the face 'cuz I'm in some crazy man's way. Then the police are called and things settle down. The rest of the outing, I was paranoid of being elbowed in the face, or hit in the face, or injuring my fragile jaw in any way.
Then I decided, let's go do some real walking, just not standing around people in a cramped spot. All the arms reaching for books and punching faces was making me nervious. So, we go to the grocery store and it felt pretty good to walk down the aisles for the first time postsurg and it was nice pushing the cart. I got a couple things to celebrate once I graduate to soft-foods- like cheese broccoli rice & box mac & cheese. This is what I'm hoping for on Tuesday, the "OK" to chew. At least a little, because I feel ready. But I'm not doing anything different until I get the doc' permission.

Here's today's recovery pic, kinda meh today:

Week and a Day

Today has been good.

I woke up a little early than I wanted, with a major headache. I think caused from all the tension of my bands. So, I took my antibiotic. And since I can't stand that codine stuff, and I have magic pill swallowing powers (once I get them past the teeth/band blockade, that is) I took two ibuprofen.
Breakfast was and a pretty much a kinda-failed attempt at a summer squash, zuchinni, onion, and spinach soup/thing. They're some of my favorite veggies, and I love them cooked together, so I figured, add vegetable broth and blend. Meh. It was pretty bland, and hard to eat without syringe aid. However, I separated it in little batches, tried one with a little soy sauce added, tried some with a little mayo added. I ate a lot of it, but I was just tooo tired and full to experiment anymore. So sad. I had such high expectations for it, I just don't know where I went wrong.
On the subject of eating, I'm still having trouble swallowing, like now, whenever I swallow it feels like what ever I swallow is going to come out my nose or something. It doesn't, but it feels like it will. I'm thinking because there's still not a lot of space in my mouth.. I dunno. it's weird.

Anyway, after that it was shower time. I've been trying to take a lot of showers, somehow hoping that some of the swelling will leave my face via steam osmosis or something. And this was the first REAL shower I took since surgery. I say real shower as in, i was the first one I took that I even dared to use my face scrub, I didn't have to sit down, and I didn't have to be so careful washing my hair. (The only thing I'm having trouble with right now is comfortably tilting my head back. My neck isn't stiff or anything, it's just tight around my face and kinda uncomfortable moving my head around.)

I think I'm looking pretty normal now. My nose is still a little swollen and kinda like a fake rubber nose. The right side of my face is looking pretty good, still a little swollen, but the bruises aren't very noticeable on that side. The left is more swollen than the right, and the bruises are still pretty noticeable. Weird how the healing works.
I'm really excited to see where I'll be on the 5th, that's my next OS appointment. I'm eager to share with my doctors the progress.