11 Weeks

I can't believe it's been 11 weeks since surgery!

So far- Eating soft foods easily.
Still weird to yawn. It is very tight and uncomfortable.
When I wrinkle my nose it spasms and is uncomfortable.
Area in the cheeks and around the nose and the nose is still swollen.
Skin is still rebellious and oily since surgery.
I still have a slight over-bite. I kind of figured it would have moved back a little by now like they said it would. hmm.

A couple days ago, I had a Chinderella moment. It looked like the mid-line in my upper jaw was going slightly to the left. When I put a ruler down the center of my nose and upper lip, it looked as it it had shifted 1-2mm to the left. After I went to the Orthodontist this tuesday, I asked him and he gave me a single diagonal band, and the problem has completely dissapeared, so that's good.
I get my (hopefully last) wire in two weeks. I'm excited being done with braces. Hopefully they will be off by Christmas!

I finally saw Dr. Largent (the resident who performed my surgery) today! It was the first time he had seen me since surgery. I was really surprised to see him, so it was nice. Unfortunately, Leibold wasn't there, nor were the digital projections that I was hoping to see. I was under the impression that was the only real reason I was going in, but it's ok because seeing Dr. Largent was worth it. He said he was very happy with my result, and the my surgery went as good as it gets.
I asked him about this "soft spot" on the left side roof of my mouth that I feel sometimes while drinking out of a straw or when I swallow certain foods when it presses against the roof of my mouth. It comes and goes so I really hadn't thought to ask about it until now. He looked at me a little puzzled. He response was mostly "huh. that's weird." and that was the end of it! So, I guess it's nothing too serious. Have any of you ortho-bloggers experienced this phantom soft spot?

I think it's funny when the doctors ask if I'm happy with my result.. like.. how do I respond to that? I usually respond with a positive and reassuring "Yeah! I love it!" but I'm kinda thinking ".. after my weird nose goes back to normal, my face is no longer puffy, and I regain motion in my mid-face... THEN we'll see if I'm happy."

Here's today's recovery pic:


And be sure to wish Holly a safe and smooth procedure, because she's getting her second jaw surgery tomorrow! Good luck Holly! Second times a charm!

No Regrets

I saw the OS today. It had been a while since he went on vacation. I accomplished a lot while he was away, though! :D

First, I went to the dentist! I was anxious due to my tender incision area, but the people at my dentist office are amazing, and it was a gentle cleaning. And I finally had those nasty peridex stains removed!
I asked if they had any pictures or x-rays of me before braces, and if they wouldn't mind emailing them to me. So, vola, I've updated the pre-surgery photos gallery. Now, I haven't been in braces long, just over a year, but I guess I forgot what my teeth looked like. That being said, I don't have any regrets about this whole crazy process. If I had the option of going back, I would do it over again. I'm only a little impatient about the healing, since my face is still very tight feeling and my nose is just doing weird things. Like... one notril is bigger than the other, the tip, and sometimes it looks lopsided. so.. I'm a bit eager to *hopefully* see it go back to the way it was, I've got no clue what it is doing at the moment.

On a semi-related topic, sharing pictures in my gallery is an interesting thing. I'm never been a teeth-smiler and I was never happy with the way my teeth looked, I'd love to get them whitened after braces, and I had that whole underbite thing going for me.. So, normally, I would never share those kinds of pictures with anyone, but for some reason, blogging to you guys, I feel very safe and connected. And to all the orthobloggers- I think you are some of the bravest people to share your journeys with us.

Back to today's adventure at the OS: We took my first batch of post-surgery x-rays. It's really neat to see the difference of the position of the jaws, also, the new hardware. It's sooo.. !! A mix between weird, cool, scifi, neat, crazy, and wow.


We also spoke about the chin/neck thing. I told him I wasn't really interested in the chin implant, but was interested in the lipo. I asked if they had computer imaging, so that maybe I could see for myself before things are concrete. Leibold said they didn't have it at the school, but he had it at his own practice and he would input the information here, and share the results with me the next time I come in.

Speaking to my parents about this is upsetting. I feel like, by wanting this, I'm vain or frivolous and this is something completely unnecessary. Plus, the cost, $860 is a lot of money. I don't expect her to pay for it. I've never spent that much on anything in my life, I'm an avid saver, and to spend so much on something like that makes me feel like it could go to better use. My dad says I should wait until I get a job- which makes no sense to me "Oh, hi, I just started work. I need to take a week off so I can get some crap sucked out of my neck, k, thanks." I've got time to heal right now, this is really my only chance to get this done if I'm going to before I enter into a career.
Speaking to my mom is a little frustrating, I don't think the doctors would call me a good candidate if it was unnecessary. I don't think my neck is fat, I just want a little definition. And I don't think it's unreasonable. And I think that is better than having an implant or having bone cut. I feel so torn up about it, I don't know what to do.

That is about all for now, thanks for listening to my rants and raves! Here's today's recovery pic. (can you tell by all the pictures that I have a favorite shirt? hehe)

8 Weeks

I finally got my hair cut today. Long over due. And took my side by sides with the good ol' moon star background.

I think the pictures tend to look much better than what I look like in "real life". Then again, I don't have to smile, and when I smile I look like a weird weird thing. I'm happy with my new profile, just frustrated with the tip of my nose. Also, the mechanics of my face are still down.
I can't wrinkle my nose without it being uncomfortable and spasm-y. My top lip doesn't like to participate in the smiling much. Still swollen. I've been feeling a little sore lately. And I've been yawning more than I can stand. Each involuntary huge yawn is torture.

That's about it for now. I'm completely exhausted today from lack of sleep, so when I get the chance, I will make a real post! :)

Back On Track

Today I saw my orthodontist for the first time post-surg and got all my surgical hooks taken off and two power bands put on all my teeth top & bottom. He was supposed to put the hooks that I'm still using for night time bands back on, but he forgot. So, I'm gonna call my Oral Surgeon and ask if I should go back, or not worry about it. I also asked him when I can go to the dentist and get my teeth cleaned, because I've got rreally embarrasing stains from the Peridex mouth wash, and I'm eager to get them cleaned off. Maybe he was bored, or just sympathetic, but he filed off some of the stain, my teeth look a lot better just with a little bit removed. It made me a little nervous, but I'm just protective of my enamel. I love my soda, so I don't need any help taking enamel off, thanks. ;P My teeth are HURTING!

I drove past dentist on my way home, so I decided to just drop by and make my appointment. I see them Thursday.

Well, it's almost week 7! I've been "chewing" for almost a week, now. I'm very gentle, but excited about my new chewing ability. The mechanics of my face are a little discouraging. My top lip is so tight and doesn't really move when I smile, my open mouth smile looks weird. Like Cindy Lou Who or something.
My face is still swollen. I'm just wondering when will this go awaay.
I still have the "overbite" now. I'm kinda wondering when my top jaw will "move back a little" like the surgeons said it would.
And my nose. Ugh. My dad, for some werid reason, LOVES it. I have the opposite feelings. it's puffy, and gets really wide whenever I smile, especially when I smile "open mouth". I'm kinda hoping it well go back to normal once my face deflates and loosens up. I just wish I had a timeline when I know all this would be done with.

And today's recovery pic:

Freedom!! .... sorta

Whewt! I had a great OS appointment today. As soon as I saw Dr. Leibold I told him that I had a list of questions, and we went through them together. It was awesome.

First, I asked him about post-surgery x-rays. I haven't had any yet and was curious as to how things looked under all the skin and muscle of my face. He said it would no problem to take some. The x-ray lab had just closed, so I'll have to wait until I go in next, but that's fine with me!

I asked him about the bands- and great news! No more bands for me! Well, at least during the day. He said he'd like me to wear them at night, but, again, that's no problem for me. I'm SO relieved to not have to wear the bands anymore, the pressure they were putting on my braces were really irritating the teeth near the hooks.

I asked him about my tooth discoloration due to the peridex mouthwash. He expressed his hatred toward the stuff, but assured me that it can be removed when I go in for a dental cleaning. The only thing is, because of the braces, the teeth are harder to clean, so I might not be able to get all of the stain off until I'm free of braces. For now, I'm pretty embarrassed of my new grey smile. I told my mom I'd smile in a photo once my upper lip is no longer stiff and swollen and once my teeth have been cleaned.

On that note, I asked him when would be a good time to schedule orthodontist and dentist appointments. He said I could see my orthodontist at anytime now, but it's up to me & my ortho when a good time to see the dentist is. I think I will wait until my incision area is completely healed up and back to normal before I go in for a cleaning, since I don't want to irritate it, but I'm excited to see my orthodontist! I want to know when these things are a' comin' off!

I asked him about facial exercises or anything that I should be doing. He didn't seem concerned at all and said those things don't make much difference or something. I don't know, I might make funny faces anyway.

I also asked him about my diet- when I could move on to soft foods (hey, might as well double check) and when my jaw would be completely healed that I could be a nut-cracker. He said at the six-weeks mark I could chew soft foods. And in a year I'll be all set for everything else. So, in just a week and a half I can start getting frustrated trying to chew all the things I want to eat and fail horribly! Then resign back to my life of oatmeal and soup. I want to bite into a subway sandwich soo bad. And pizza! And fried mozzarella sticks! Ohhh I'm so hungry now.

Then I asked him when we should schedule the neck lipo. He said anytime is fine, he's leaving for a few weeks, so after Septmenber 24th we can get the ball moving. He then took another look at me and said "hmm.. I think you'd benefit a lot from a small chin implant."

oh noo! Not that darn chin thing again!

He said the chin implant would be small and combined with the neck lipo it would give me a lot of facial balance and that it would be something to think about. Uuuhh.. I don't know. I think my chin looks fine, but then again, I don't really know what it would look like "better". The lipo is something I really want, and the anesthesia is a flat fee of $260. So, if I'm getting it done and it would be wise to get them done together. Since I don't want to shell out more money for a second procedure anesth. fee & have to go back for another procedure.

Also. Lipo costs $600, the Chin Implant would cost $1070 (then the $260 anesth. fee). So $860 vs. $1930. The HUGE COST difference doesn't help the fact that I'm not sold on the more chin thing. Plus, we're completely broke. I'm not sure where I'd even get the money the lipo, let alone for both. So, I'm torn, because I really want to listen and agree and do everything the doctor thinks is best, because I respect his judgments. He's only been doing this kinda thing for like.. 35 years.. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's talking about. I have a lot to think about. And some money to start raising. *sigh*

Here's today's recovery pic:

Identity

I think the last part of my last post was a little mis-understood, so I edited it a little to rephrase it.

The only thing that kinda concerned me was that Diedre kept saying "You look so different", "I won't be able to recognize you". Diedre would never say anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, but it gave me a strange feeling. I know I look different, but I still think I look like me... I don't think I look SO different. It's just strange to hear it from someone so close to you. I just wonder, like, what do people really think? Is my face not me anymore?

I'm not completely happy with the way my face looks right now, but I still feel a lot of swelling, so I know that I need to be patient to see the final result. I feel like I'm in an awkward stage at the moment. I'm just eager to see the swelling to continue to go down, excited for the day when the braces come off, what my final look will be... and if the final look is still Kelley.

I think my mom and others were under the impression that what my friend said had upset me. I wasn't upset at all. Or she felt strange around me. What I meant to convey was my concern of identity, which is today's topic. [I might not make a lot of sense, but try and follow this weird little tangent of mine...]

My concern has nothing to do with looking better than I was before, or looking worse. It's about looking the same vs. looking like a different person. I was never that unhappy with the way I looked before surgery and braces, my teeth weren't that crooked (due to the position of my bottom teeth, I didn't have an under bite until braces. I had a "bite"), and I had a "flat" profile, but I wasn't ever that down about it. After braces, I wasn't that confident in the way I smiled, but I knew that would change. I knew I'd have to look worse, before looking better.

My concern is to hear "so different". I knew I'd look a little different. However, I think I still look like Kelley, a little puffy faced and with a different profile, but still Kelley. What worries me is that others won't recognize me the same way. After I completely heal up, I was thinking of cutting my hair, since I've had the same style since Jr.high school. However, in a way, my hair has become even more recognizable than my face. If both change... does Kelley completely disappear? (It's kinda funny I mention my hair, because it's the longest it's been in a while right now. It's drivin' me nuts.)

I think no matter what, I'll be just as satisfied with my post-surgery look as I was with my pre-surgery look. I'll know I'm me, no matter what. I just don't know what to think, or how to react, or how to feel when I hear those two words..

"so different."

... because I don't see it?

Here's today's recovery pic:

I hope I made a little sense in my ramble tonight.

What a day!

Today was by-far the most exhausting day I've had during recovery, but definitely the most fun. One of my best friends, Diedre, was visiting her grandma along with another friend from high school, Kathryn, and her cousin, here in San Antonio. I hadn't seen Diedre since last Christmas, so of course I'd take up the opportunity to see her while she was in the area!
In the afternoon, we went downtown to the Rivercenter Mall, at first I was kind of anxious because of the crowds from tourism, and also that little thing we call TAX FREE CRAZINESS WEEKEND. The mall was crowded, but it wasn't too bad, actually, for what I was expecting. I was still on the look out for flying elbows, and nervously guarding my face from any freak-attacks.
We walked, a lot, but it was worth it. After looking around the mall for a couple hours, we went down to the Market. Diedre loves Mi Tierra bakery, and must stock up on candied orange peel and pumpkin empanadas whenever she gets the chance. They had some pecan brittle that made my mouth water. Curse this healing jaw!! Also, back out in the market, street vendors selling food that filled the air. Ah, what I would give to be able to chomp into a bean and cheese tostada.

After walking around in the brutal Texas heat for several hours, I was beat. When I came home I went into some kind of sluggish coma. My jaw hurt, my feet hurt, my head hurt. I was so hungry, no food, too tired to go to the store. But it was worth it.

The only thing that kinda concerned me was that Diedre kept saying "You look so different" "I won't be able to recognize you". Diedre would never say anything the intentionally hurt my feelings, but it gave me a strange feeling. I know I look different, but I still think I look like me... I don't think I look SO different. It's just strange to hear it from someone so close to you. I just wonder, like, what do people really think? Is my face not me anymore?

I'm not completely happy with the way my face looks right now, but I still feel a lot of swelling, so I know that I need to be patient to see the final result. I feel like I'm in an awkward stage at the moment. I'm just eager to see the swelling to continue to go down, excited for the day when the braces come off, what my final look will be... and if the final look is still Kelley.

And the recovery pic for today:


My skin is still pretty shiny from all the swelling. How strange.

Going Somewhere.... Slowly

I saw my OS again today.

For about 2 seconds.

Grrr! I hate the effect that has on my nerves!! I have an appointment at 3:30, I get there at 3:20, I'm SEEN at 4:15. And Leibold doesn't even see me for more than 1 minute!! I had questions to ask him, but he disappeared pretty quickly after looking a me. (Run! Doctor! Run!)

I didn't have any expectations for my visit today, but when you wait so long only to feel neglected and ignored, it really shatters my nerves!
The resident, Dr. Balachandran, who looked at me seemed very nice. I've seen her around the department, but I wasn't aware she was familiar with me. Unfortunately, after the greeting, she had to feel across my tender incision area. Oooucch!

Sigh.. My next appointment is in two weeks, I just hope they go by quickly. I want to have a better appointment next time. One where I leave feeling good, inspired, and happy. Not neglected, confused, and anxious.

And here's today's recovery picture:

Two Weeks

It's hard to believe it's been two weeks since surgery. It feels like it's been a sloooow two weeks, but I'm just grateful that those two weeks are behind me. Things can only get better at this point, or so I hope!

I decided to go ahead and call my OS office and schedule an appointment for next week. It's something that will just give me peace of mind, and if they want to reschedule the next one to two weeks after, that's fine with me. I just need something like these appointments to look forward to after surgery, otherwise I feel so restless, watch the clock constantly, wishing I had a time machine to travel a couple weeks forward in time. I also feel in the dark about my recovery, I need to hear things are doing well, at least for these first couple of weeks.
I also asked them to forward a question to Leibold for me. I have an existing appointment to see my orthodontist on the 12th to be retied (re-ligged). I think this is too soon to have pressure on my teeth, and I wanted to know when I should reschedule the appointment, or if I should just cancel it and reschedule when I get the "OK". He hasn't gotten back to me yet, so I might just cancel it anyway, for now. Then just reschedule whenever.

That's all I have to report for now, here's today's recovery pic:

Blah...

I had my second post-op appointment today.
I was pretty disappointed when I left. I had built up all these hopes in my head like getting looser bands, no bands for a certain amount of time a day, no bands at all. However, nothing changed. It was just "things are looking good" and I need to keep the bands on as often as possible. And I might be able to move to soft foods in 6 weeks. what?! That's not cool.
And then it was just "see you in two weeks". Which... guh.. I don't know. I really don't want to wait two weeks, and I think I'd be more comfortable being seen weekly, at least for the first couple of weeks. To keep bands on 24/7 for 2 more weeks doesn't make me too happy.

...yeah....

I don't want to seem high maintenance, but I think I will call the appointment scheduler and ask if I can come in next week, too. It's something that would make me feel more comfortable. And right now I'm a little down in the dumps.

By the way, our new friend, Lotti, is having surgery tomorrow. Let's all wish her a safe surgery and a smooth recovery!!

Here's today's recovery pic. Not much change: