The only thing that kinda concerned me was that Diedre kept saying "You look so different", "I won't be able to recognize you". Diedre would never say anything to intentionally hurt my feelings, but it gave me a strange feeling. I know I look different, but I still think I look like me... I don't think I look SO different. It's just strange to hear it from someone so close to you. I just wonder, like, what do people really think? Is my face not me anymore?I think my mom and others were under the impression that what my friend said had upset me. I wasn't upset at all. Or she felt strange around me. What I meant to convey was my concern of identity, which is today's topic. [I might not make a lot of sense, but try and follow this weird little tangent of mine...]
I'm not completely happy with the way my face looks right now, but I still feel a lot of swelling, so I know that I need to be patient to see the final result. I feel like I'm in an awkward stage at the moment. I'm just eager to see the swelling to continue to go down, excited for the day when the braces come off, what my final look will be... and if the final look is still Kelley.
My concern has nothing to do with looking better than I was before, or looking worse. It's about looking the same vs. looking like a different person. I was never that unhappy with the way I looked before surgery and braces, my teeth weren't that crooked (due to the position of my bottom teeth, I didn't have an under bite until braces. I had a "bite"), and I had a "flat" profile, but I wasn't ever that down about it. After braces, I wasn't that confident in the way I smiled, but I knew that would change. I knew I'd have to look worse, before looking better.
My concern is to hear "so different". I knew I'd look a little different. However, I think I still look like Kelley, a little puffy faced and with a different profile, but still Kelley. What worries me is that others won't recognize me the same way. After I completely heal up, I was thinking of cutting my hair, since I've had the same style since Jr.high school. However, in a way, my hair has become even more recognizable than my face. If both change... does Kelley completely disappear? (It's kinda funny I mention my hair, because it's the longest it's been in a while right now. It's drivin' me nuts.)
I think no matter what, I'll be just as satisfied with my post-surgery look as I was with my pre-surgery look. I'll know I'm me, no matter what. I just don't know what to think, or how to react, or how to feel when I hear those two words..
"so different."
... because I don't see it?
Here's today's recovery pic:
I hope I made a little sense in my ramble tonight.
7 comments:
Just because people use the words "So different" does not mean you are. You know this.
It's confusing enough trying to work out ones identity in life and I do understand how these words could effect you. Just use it positively... a difference for the better.
I had people tell me the same thing. My best friend kept staring at me the first time we had lunch together afterwards. My boyfriend tells people its like having a new girlfriend. I thought it was really weird, but I've come to love the change. I can't wait to see the finished look. I think you look great, but its always an uneasy feeling to see someone a bit different looking back at you in the mirror.
I guess I know what you mean...two days ago I went back to work just for a couple of hours and my boss told me that the surgery made me look different (and I was not even two weeks post surgery with all the puffiness and still some bruising!!!!). And I felt something strange: a mixture between "Well, of course I am different I just had a major rebuilding of my face" and "Are you out of your mind? I am always the same!" Anyway, I think the important thing is that we are happy of who we are, then, if we look good, or even better that is a plus!
I Think Diedra might be afraid that you might change and she might lose a friend. I dont think you have changed that much. You still look like Kelley to me. Unless you compare your before and after profiles I really dont see much of a differance just improvement in the profile. I think you should do something differant with you hairstyle to go with the new you. (Nothing to short or crazy) Mo-Mo
Hey... You don't know me, but I've been reading your blog and it's been great to see your progress. I live in San Antonio too, and I'm having lower jaw surgery in the coming months. Even though I'm not having the same surgery that you did, it's still been really helpful to the nerves to read your blog.
Just wanted to say thanks... You look great by the way!
I've been thinking about your post for a few days now. You got me thinking about the value we place on our faces - our faces convey so much information and emotion. By looking at someone's face, we make inference about how honest or conniving they are; whether they're attractive or not; smart or not-so-smart; successful or not. The list goes on.
So it's no surprise to link these facial changes to one's identity. It's just kinda weird when it's *your* face we're talking about, not some hypothetical face. I think my face looks about the same, which is kinda weird for me considering I had both jaws broken and realigned. For me, that's been reassuring because I was pretty happy with how I looked before the surgery. Now, the subtle difference is that my profile has been improved. Most importantly, now I won't have to worry about losing my teeth in my 40s!
Anyhoo, I'm rambling!!! I hope you have a great day. And thanks for getting me to think about the issue of identity!
:0)
M
Kam, I keep thinking about this "identity" issue and suddenly it comes in my mind a very famous book in Italy that I read in High School and I loved, loved, loved. It deals with identity confusion.. it starts with the wife of the main character telling him that his nose is not straight, but he never realized that! From that point on he makes really amazing thoughts about identity and the "masks" that we all have to wear. I strongly recommend it (I do not know how it is in English but what it is important here is the message so the way it's written can go on a second page), I checked online and Amazon has it. The title is "One, No One, and One Hundred Thousand " by Luigi Pirandello.
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